Month: July 2020

Feeling Helpless in a Familiar Place

my mother is dying. Six months, that’s the best the doctors think. Being a pastor i have sat with countless families as they have said goodbye to a loved one. i have been there to support, pray with/for, encourage, and cry with them. i have helped with final arrangements, from just giving ideas to even taking on the full planning of a funeral for those who just didn’t know or couldn’t plan it themselves. Now here i am with my mom, and its as if i am completely clueless. my brother has taken on the significant role of caretaker during these days of home hospice, nurses do come in, a few days a week, to check on things, but the day to day care, my brother has taken on, and all i can say is WOW! He amazes me. Again, i am clueless, i can’t even think of what to do. my sister is here as well, and she has stepped right in, and i just sit back . . . oh, i do some, when asked, or the task is obvious.

Did i mention that i have sat with many a family in this very situation and have had the whereabouts to know what, how, when, where, to do, and or give support. It’s like i am frozen here. i feel helpless, and it makes me feel selfish because the only one here who is genuinely “helpless” is my mom. Stuck in bed, dependent on her family and a team of nurses. i have tried and will continue to try and do all that i can, i am trying to change my mindset, move in different ways, trust more, pray more, be more . . . aware?!? Is that the right word? i don’t know. i want to honor her the best i can, for she has been the joy and inspiration of the family.

The commandment in scripture to “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12) is actually in reference to older or elderly parents, of course, the principle can also be applied to children and their parents. Although we mostly refer to it in the latter, it definitely is more the former. i stated above, i want to desperately honor my father and certainly now more than ever my mother in these final days. i believe that i have done a fair job to this point of my life, but at the same time, i think of all the times i fell short in this area. my mom would say if asked, that she is proud of me. That makes me happy, but i wonder, is it warranted? Have i earned it?

Jesus didn’t, nor does He expect us to earn His forgiveness. He gave freely of Himself on the cross to make us righteous and holy. What a gift! There is a song by Steffany Gretzinger called, “No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus.” WOW! What a powerful song and a fantastic voice! The opening lines of the song are so powerful; the song opens like this: (i will link to a video of the song at the bottom)

“If my heart could tell a story
If my life would sing a song
If I have a testimony
If I have anything at all

No one ever cared for me like Jesus
His faithful hand has held me all this way
And when I’m old and gray and all my days
are number on the earth
Let it be known, in You alone
My joy was found
Oh my joy, my joy

Let my children tell their children
Let this be their memory
That all my treasure was in heaven
and You were everything to me

This song is my mom. This has been her testimony, and it has been my challenge. i can’t listen to this song without getting lost in memories where my mom’s joy filled the air. She has been the bedrock of our family, the glue if you will, and she did it all with joy. And that joy was founded in her faith in Jesus. Her legacy, her testimony, can be found in this song by Steffany Gretzinger, and i am glad that i stumbled upon it. i hope that it blesses you and challenges you as much as it has me. i pray this becomes my testimony as well, for no one ever cared for me like Jesus . . . and Jesus, through my mom, is her testimony. May Jesus, through me, be mine.

No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus, Steffany Gretzinger

You are loved,

cj

Unplug and Tune in

When i was younger, teenage, i smoked. i did so for several years. One day i decided to stop, and i did! i know for a lot of people quitting didn’t come so easily, or it’s still a struggle for them to this day. i get it some because quitting other things has been a struggle for me. Social Media, for instance. i have wanted to unplug from social media for some time, and so during this present time in my life of transition, in basically every area of my life, i decided now is the time. However, given my knowledge that it was not going to be easily done, i took it step by step. First, i deactivated and deleted Snapchat, and Instagram, followed by Facebook and most recently Twitter. Wow! What a difference it has made in how i socialize, how i view the world, how i view other people!

So i don’t have a choice but to give you the same advice. Unplug and tune in . . . Tune in to what is around you without the influence of others telling you what you should think about it. i justified my thoughts on Social Media because i wanted to see the news of the day without watching the news of the day because quite frankly, the news on TV is terrible and mostly not true. How do i know it’s not . . . Well, for the last 2 months i have been seeing things with my own eyes, having conversations with people directly in touch with or involved in or a part of . . . and then drawing conclusions with my own mind and guess what; things are not as bad as we are being told.

Oh, sure, things are bad. Life is hard! i know this, the virus is real, it is taking the lives of family and friends, not mine, praise the Lord. However, even with that, so does a lot of things, my mom for instance is in a fragile place currently as she battles cancer. In the case of this virus, things just aren’t adding up. It took me unplugging and tuning in to discover for myself. i still get news from all sources. i watch news clips without the talking heads. Read articles and read between the lines and passed the clear bias of the author, hate and fear are powerful bias’. Do you know what else i do? i have conversations with people and simply ask non-threatening questions like, “interesting perspective, i hadn’t heard that, what do you think about that based on what you have seen?” WOW, the responses i think even shock the one saying it. It is a simple tool to get people to “think critically,” which is a lost form of thinking with the way the news is now told to us rather than reported. There is a vast difference between the two!

Wanna know how i think Jesus would report the news or tell a story? Well, i don’t have to tell you what i think, i will point to what i know in Scripture. John 1:39, “Jesus said, ‘come and see.’ . . . Now i know, one, this isn’t the full verse, and two, Jesus was referring to where He lived when asked, but still, this answer resonates with authority, “COME AND SEE!” Later, Philip says to Nathanael nearly the same thing, “Come and see for yourself.” This is a lost practice in our culture and that of the world, really. We no longer see things for ourselves, but instead, we listen to what we are told without question. We need to stop, unplug, and tune in. In other words, we need to “Go and See for ourselves.”

You are loved,

cj